Hello new subscribers! Welcome to my fun little corner of the internet where I talk about The Office from many lenses and overall just have a fun time being a multidisciplinary weirdo. So glad you are here ❤️
It has been a really long time since my last newsletter. I deeply apologize! Between multiple moves and multiple illnesses, I have been behind on my newsletters in general. My hope is to return to monthly missives, so thank you for your patience.
Alright, here we are. In my opinion, this is one of the most boring episodes in the entire history of the show. I have watched this episode three times in order to glean the gold for writing this newsletter and let me tell you, there isn’t much!
But we aren’t fair weather fans of The Office around here. No way - we are diving into the good, the bad, and the ugly. So here we go…
As i’ve mentioned before, this newsletter is a space where I can enjoy writing about weird things and have fun exploring aspects of our culture and the human experience. So although the obvious choice would be to write about the abysmal state of healthcare in this country…
But the great thing about making a purposeless newsletter is that I get to make the rules and one of them is that I can write about anything - even if it is just mentioned in passing in the episode. And this episode, Jim makes up a medical condition called “Count Choculitis” so we are going to dive into…cereal!
I swear, this won’t turn into a food essay newsletter (although that would be fun), but I do love the weird and wonderful history and culture around food and cereal is no exception. So let’s explore this beloved breakfast.
The Puritanical Origins of Cereal
Most people don’t know that the modern concept of breakfast cereal was created in 1863 by a religious conservative vegetarian named James Caleb Jackson. Jackson was a member of the Christian church of the Seventh Day Adventists and he ran a medical sanitarium in New York. He made the first modern cereal by drying and breaking shapes of ground graham flour to then soak in milk overnight. Jackson called this invention “granula” and I imagine it tasted quite awful.
However, the game changer for cereal happened when another Seventh Day Adventist who also ran a sanitarium started making his own cereal (he had to use the name “granola” due to Jackson threatening to sue).
His name was John Harvey Kellogg.
Kellogg looking like a normie old white guy from the 1800’s but also like a bit of a Darwinian scientist who could be doing strange things to sanitarium patients.
A picture of Kellogg’s sanitarium in Battle Creek, Michigan.
Some of you might be aware of the puritanical roots of cornflakes but in case you aren’t, this will be a trip…
Kellogg was a devout Christian who was also fundamentally against sexuality. He believed that every aspect of health - from digestion, to mental wellness, to connection to God - was decimated by it. He also so fervently believed that sex in all forms was the inspiration of the Devil, that he dedicated his life to abstinence education and “de-sexualization” treatment (he never consummated his marriage, with he and his wife sleeping in different rooms and adopting their children so as to avoid the detrimental act of sex).
His main crusade, however, was against masturbation. “If illicit commerce of the sexes is a heinous sin, self-pollution is a crime doubly abominable”, states Kellogg in his book Plain Facts for Old and Young: Embracing the Natural History of Organic Life.
Believing that spicy and flavorful foods promoted sexual desire and compulsion, Kellogg created the blandest food possible - the dreaded corn flake. Adamant on not adding sweetener (what he sometimes referred to as a “sinful temptation”), corn flakes became a breakfast food that was meant to curb your appetites of all kinds. Kellogg truly believed that corn flakes would prevent people (but mostly teenagers) from masturbating.
Not fun fact: Kellogg had many harmful ways of experimenting with eliminating sexual drive with residents at the sanitarium. Definitely wouldn’t suggest Googling it.
Needless to say, this proposed solution wasn’t successful. Corn flakes became a household name but did not influence masturbation on way or the other. Eventually, people caught onto the fact that cereal could taste much, much better and delicious cereals were created.
Ok, that is the weird part of cereal history. Who would have thought that our beloved Lucky Charms is a descendant of a puritanical brigade against sexuality? But the belief that bland food dampens sexual appetites is a common one across many communities through time and space. The search for anaphrodisiacs has been around since ancient times. Fresh lettuce was used to quell the libido in Greek and Roman cultures and the potent herb nymphaea was strong enough to (supposedly) take away desire for forty days!
I could write a long essay on the intersections of food and sex but for now, we will just keep it at Kellogg.
If you want to learn more about how the Kellogg brothers (yes brothers!) came up with Corn Flakes and what happened when Post stole the invention, watch this clip of Drunk History with Owen and Luke Wilson playing the Kelloggs.
And on a lighter note, here is an ad for Corn Flakes from the 80’s featuring…Keanu Reeves!
I want to end this strange trip down history lane by telling you that I LOVE CEREAL!
Cereal is one of my absolute favorite foods of all time. If it didn’t cause me blood sugar issues, I would eat cereal every day. The variety of textures, flavors, and shapes we have in the cereal world is something that blows my mind. Have you ever just walked through a cereal aisle and thought “wow, I can’t believe we are so blessed”?
Because I have.
I need to give a big shout out to my fellow cereal aficionados. One of my favorite podcasts of all time is a meditative podcast about cereal called The Empty Bowl. It is hosted by Justin McElroy (the oldest brother of my favorite podcast My Brother, My Brother, and Me) and Dan Goubert (the creator of the incredibly earnest cereal website/blog Cerealously). It is truly a labor of love to make a podcast solely about cereal and I enjoy it immensely. Many people (including myself) listen to it as semi-ASMR bedtime stories! If you love cereal, you’ll definitely want to check it out.
Here are my top 10 favorite cereals in no particular order. Understand that this was not an easy feat. Each of these cereals hold a special place in my heart (one of the closest is Lucky Charms which I ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner after being in a psychiatric facility, but that is a juicy story for another day!)
MY TEN MOST BELOVED CEREALS
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Lucky Charms
Frosted Flakes
Rice Krispies
Frosted Mini Wheats
Kix
Crispix
Honey Nut Cheerios
Honey Nut Chex
Special K Red Berries
I would love to know what yours are!
And now, on to the round up…
Deep Tracks Only:
This little ditty by comedian Carollynn Xavier is the perfect compliment to Dwight choosing the absolute worst health insurance plan possible.
The Dinner Party:
It wouldn’t be right to choose any recipe other than one that included cereal. There are so many to choose from, but I stuck with my personal favorite, Hot Buttered Cheerios! They are so delicious and easy to make and a great comfort food.
Favorite Quote:
“Today, I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um... Yes, in a way. Yeah. Like a specialist.” - Michael Scott
Band Name:
Operation Surprise - from Michael trying to come up with a way to win back the favor of his employees from Dwight’s horrible healthcare choice. Operation Surprise is most definitely a 70’s funkadelic group. This seems like an appropriate time to share that I once played pool with George Clinton in a hole in the wall bar in Chicago and I won. I was a bit of a pool shark during that time of my life and was actually making pretty good money playing people. I couldn’t believe I beat him but he was super sweet and bought everyone drinks and I felt like a total badass. I have since lost almost all of my pool playing skills but every once in a while, I will call a pocket and get the ball in while playing with the cue behind my back and it feels amazing.
The Toby:
This episode has one of my tobiest moments in the entire show. I cannot, I repeat CANNOT stand the way that Meredith says “vagina” when talking about a desired medical treatment. The way her face looks when she says it and the way it sounds is THE WORST. Seriously, it haunts me.
The Dundie:
Honestly, there aren’t many great moments in this episode so I am going to lean a little silly here. One aspect of my comedy preferences is probably unexpected, which is a certain kind of slapstick. I’m not talking about Three Stooges (who I will never have interest in watching), but more like a scene of someone falling off of a chair or Darryl falling into the cake (one of my favorites which we will definitely talk about later!) So the moment where Michael says “think fast” and hits Phyllis with an ice cream sandwich is one that I literally laugh out loud at every time.
THERE ARE NO “GUILY PLEASURES” HERE. WE WELCOME IT ALL WITH OPEN ARMS!
Alright, that’s it for today. Until next time, I will leave you with this month’s tattoo. Catch you on the flippity-flip!